Half-hearted.

The dilemma arose because of an outfit.

I know, I know. It's just an outfit. But outfits tell stories and sometimes what's out is the best glance at whatever's in. The dilemma has been a dilemma and it's not going away. Sometimes it just gets muted and I forget, but then I have to choose an outfit, and BOOM.

As we all know, the Olympic opening ceremonies are tomorrow. I love the Olympics. I love the Summer Olympics, I love the Winter Olympics. I wrote fan mail to every member of Atlanta 7 gymnastics dream team and every four winters I renew my crush on the old Jonny Mosely (Is he even still competing?! Who cares!) The pomp, the glory, the national pride. The idealist in me wells up with life and happiness and health and Bob Costas is there to moderate my whole experience. (Sidebar: Bob Costas looks exactly the same as he did when I first got into the Games in Barcelona, but that's a discussion for another day.)

A friend is having people over to watch the torch-lighting tomorrow, and naturally (?) my first thought involved the proper attire for cheering on one's country at the friendliest war of the worlds. But, ugh, I thought. Ugh, the only thing Aussie I have is an ugly burnt yellow Wallabies t-shirt from the airport -- why didn't I buy that southern cross bikini while I had the chance?!

And then I stopped myself.

I had just done it. My immediate thought when dressing to cheer on my team, my people, my compadres, was to side with the Aussies over all the others. It seems silly, it does, but my eyes are welling up as I type (and it's not just because I'm getting over pinkeye) (which I am), because, oh dear God, that deliciously lucky country stole my heart. It stole and I gave. 

And now I'm here, in the capital of the U.S. of A. and I'm half-hearted American because I'm also a half-hearted Aussie, where half my heart lives under the southern stars. 

It's a weird process, the ways our souls find their homes, isn't it? There are places where I've tried and tried to plant mine deep, but on the beaches of the Pacific, my soul sprouted and grew in ways I didn't even know to expect. 

So yes, America, I'll wear red + white + blue. I'm here and I'm from here and half my heart is here at home. But I'll be all green + gold and 'onya mate under my skin because god knows I miss you, my Australia fair.